First of all, I’d like to thank every higher power that has ever been worshipped by anyone, ever that this is over. Second of all, there are a few catalogues I’ve excluded from competition because they were religion-based, and—as fascinating as they were to peruse (check out the comments on my original post if you’re curious)—I felt like this wasn’t quite the venue. And now, without further ado:
Miles Kimball The Miles Kimball catalogue is actually pretty fun, in exactly the same way the SkyMall catalogue is fun: it’s a paradise of things you never imagined might exist.
Need seasonal costumes for your lawn geese? They’ve got you covered.
And I am being one thousand percent sincere when I say that I’d get a lot of use out of this lap desk.
Unfortunately, however, Miles Kimball doesn’t carry much in the way of apparel or accessories. But they do have a not-small selection of coin pendants that I thought had a certain potential.
Switch out the chain, get rid of the beads, and this is actually quite pretty.
Bonworth: One could not create a venn diagram including both me and the Bonworth catalogue. Absolutely no overlap exists.
So I’m going with this tank top . Because the color is pretty.
As We Change: At first I didn’t quite get the connect between the name of this site and its mission. Then I clicked around a bit, and it began to crystallize: As We Change is code for As We Get Older And It All Goes To Hell. All of the jeans are of the tummy and butt-lifting variety; all of the tops come with hidden “slimming panels.” The shapewear selection is expansive and fascinating: this control vest looks both extremely effective and quite painful. And then there’s this—which, after some debate, I decided I couldn’t not show you.
In the end I chose this trapeze top, because I liked the lovely flowing hem.
Fingerhut: I hate Fingerhut. I hate the name Fingerhut. I hate their business MO: making poor-quality merchandise available to people whose credit ratings are too low to shop elsewhere—at a markup. I hate how they treat their customers. And I hate pretty much everything in their damn catalogue.
It took me a long, long time to find something I wanted here. Ultimately, I had to break one of my self-imposed rules and choose sleepwear. I’d wear this cotton Henley nightshirt. But I wouldn’t like it. What could Fingerhut possibly be preferable to, you ask?
AND THE WINNER IS…
Life is Good: “I think I have the blue ribbon,” wrote commenter Ellie. And as soon as I saw her suggestion, I knew that nothing short of a catalogue featuring apparel for white supremacists could knock her out of first place.
Because no way, no how.
Really? It’s as simple as that? Try telling that to the kids* who’ve been in twelve foster homes by the age of ten and suffered abuse in half on them. Because they might take issue with that notion.
Maybe I’m not smiling because I’m just concentrating. EVER THINK OF THAT?????
How about YOU Chill?
I could go on. And on. The Life is Good catalogue brings out a level of hostility in me so much deeper than my baseline state that scares me a little. It’s that fatal cocktail of hugginess and smugness that really gets me, I think.
So congratulations, Ellie. Nicely—and diabolically—played.
*To their credit, the Life is Good people do seem to have recognized that life is not good for all, and their Life is Good Festival is a benefit to raise funds to help kids in need. Which isn’t nothing.